"I’ve got a war in my mind. I just ride. I just ride."
Lately this is my life. It was building throughout 2013 due to my father’s declining health and finally came tumbling down at the end when my wonderful father called me with an emergency. I immediately packed up my clothes, belongings, spoke to my neighbors to watch my fur babies and drove to my parents’ house.
I won’t go into the details of all that I (and my family) have experienced in the past months but it has been a challenging ride. We’re still traveling down this bumpy road but if you have wondered why I’ve disappeared from the beautiful Penguin Palace, this is why.
I’m still working through the emotions that comes with grieving for my father (the light of my life - yes, I am and will always be a daddy’s girl). No, he has not passed away but that’s the weird thing about watching someone go through dementia and end stage liver failure. You begin to grieve for the person before they even pass. I’m losing the person who I love more than I can even fathom and it hurts.
However, pain is only temporary and I’ve conquered battles in the past. I’ll overcome these feelings of pain, and be a better person for it.
I’ve received many emails and tweets full of kind words and appreciate every single one of them. Many choose to walk passed a person in pain without a single glance but many of you took the time out of your day to acknowledge my existence (even though you couldn’t see me), to offer me a helping hand or did something merely to bring a smile to my face. You did bring a smile to my face and I appreciate it more than you know.
PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING:
I am coming back to MyFreeCams this week and am looking forward to having a lot of fun. I haven’t had much time for pleasure due to the circumstances but goodness gracious I cannot wait to be back laughing with my Penguin Army!!!
I have one request for those in my chat room: Now y’all know what is going on and where my head is at. While I appreciate you asking how my father is doing, it would be best if you did not while I am on cam. He is not doing well and MFC is a place for ALL of us to escape the problems in our personal lives. We all have them, let’s all enjoy our time together without worry about what happened in the past or what will happen in the near future. We’ll just be silly little penguins together, sliding on our bellies, giggling while Spongebob laughs creepily in the background stroking his dick. Yeah, that’s a good note to end on.
Spongebob. Stroking. His. Dick.
Much has changed in the last week. I want to give you guys an idea of what I’m dealing with and my plans in the near future. As many of you know, my father’s health has taken a turn for the worse. He has been battling Cirrhosis for many years (along with Congestive Heart Failure in the last year) and was told last week that he is now in end stage liver failure.
To be honest, the news caused my head to spin but I’ve gotten it on straight. So, no one needs to worry about me. Since my mother is disabled and both are out of work, I will be moving in with my parents for awhile to help them in any way that I can. Which means, there will be some changes to my camming style.
This business is my only source of income. So, despite the huge change, I need to make it work and must make my goals if I am to support two households (my own in S. Florida and my parent’s household). I’m not going to lie, I have some worries because my cam style will have to change. I will sneak on cam any chance that I can - most likely late in the evening in my bedroom and possibly at outdoor locations during the day. I won’t be able to be as loud as I normally am but will work on fun games to keep us enjoying our time together. I have faith that no matter what we do, we will have a good time because my Penguin Army is like family.
The next days will be filled with paperwork, meeting with a lawyer to grant Power of Attorney to me and hospital visits. It’s been a hell of a ride (especially since my father is losing his cognitive functions and it is difficult for him to do the things we take for granted like walking, eating and even sleeping).
I appreciate any and all support for my Penguin Army. The support that has poured into my inboxes and twitter feed have filled my heart with joy and brought tears to my eyes many times. It’s heart warming that y’all are sticking by me even through the worst of it. It’s so common that people disappear during troubling times but I know who are my true friends since you’re still with me, sending me kind messages and making me smile. I wish I could express my gratitude fully for your kindness and support but there are not enough words in the English language.
I’ve remained strong, focus on one task at a time and am making sure to keep my parents smiling and laughing. They’re worried. We all are but there is no sense in collapsing and becoming morbid / depressed. There’s still so much beauty in this world, in my life, in the eyes of my family. I am thankful that we can go through this together. I am thankful to have my friends, you, to spend time with. I cannot promise anything but I hope that I can log online tomorrow night. The Penguin Army cheers me up and makes me giggle like a maniac. I miss those times and can’t wait to have them again!
May the penguin be with you. All of my love,
xoxo Aedan Rayne
I got my philosophy.
The real you.
"Doesn’t it really astonish you that you are this fantastically complex thing…and you never had any education in how to do it?"
Trey Parker & Matt Stone animates some profound shit right here.
I pave my own path. It might not be one that most travel but it is one that I love.
"we’re all headed straight for death, yet here we are - still clinging on to things."
Love is the Answer. #Banksy. #Truth #LookWhatArtFound #ArtInspires #Inspiring #Global #Artistic #Expression #ArtAboveReality #PhotoOfTheDay #instacool #instadaily #Art #Creator #color